How to Fix My Wonky Internal Compass

Everybody has an internal clock that regulates the daily variations of temperature, blood pressure, hormones, hunger, sleep patterns, all manner of internal activities. One of the main features of bipolar, a feature that most people outside the field don't even know about, is that people with bipolar have wonky internal clocks. We're hot when others are cold. Our cortisol levels are slow to rise in the morning and once risen, don't know when to go down. Our sleep patterns are all over the place.

Social Rhythms Therapy treats bipolar by regulating the timing of key external events, effectively resetting our wonky clocks several times a day. Up at 5:30, conversation postponed until 7:00, breakfast at 7:30, work at 9:00... I have been stable (more or less) ever since I began to live by the hours. I approach cross-time zone travel with fear and trembling.

The first step in the Way of Love is turn. Turn to Jesus. Set your intention to follow him. Why is this part of a weekly practice? Didn't I make that choice on a windy hilltop above Reed College in Portland, Oregon fifty years ago? 

In addition to a wonky internal clock, do I also have wonky internal compass?

There are so many things that knock me off course every day. People who watch crime shows overestimate the true crime level and develop a higher distrust of their neighbors, particularly their neighbors of a different race. Facebook posts of misinformation, bot-generated from Russia, some designed to reinforce the prejudices of the left, some the prejudices of the right, have nearly destroyed civil discourse. Conversations with friends so easily turn into a ain't it awful spiral.

So, yes, every morning I reset my internal compass. I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus today. I won't be surprised if I am knocked off course by noon. I should pay attention to what knocks me off course and better prepare for it.

In any case, I will decide to follow Jesus again tomorrow morning. At 6:15.